Time To Tell
by sunnyamazing
Summary: SamPhil: Sam Angst: Post-ep: Getting Personal: One event made her who she was, and for twenty five years she has kept it hidden. When reminders are everywhere, then the time comes for her to tell someone. Please review x
1. ONE

**Okay, so here is something new from me. It's been awhile since I wrote something completely new, but the real world came along, and also the muse went on a little holiday. But thanks to the suggestions of Gemma and my old TB-ness it is back. Deals with some sensitive issues, and is basically my own created back story about why Sam is the character that she is, or the character that she was. Given the news about her and (excuse me while I vomit) Banksy. Can anyone say hypocritical??  
Also please ignore anything that happened after Getting Personal regarding Tom Norris, if you need reminding about which one Getting Personal was, it was the one where Sam declined (yes, declined Banksy's offer of a drink, there should always be a denial) and the episode ended with Sam looking at the photo of Abi.  
Enjoy! Oh and don't forget to leave a review.**

**Summary:** SamPhil: Sam Angst: Post-ep: Getting Personal: One event made her who she was, and for twenty five years she has kept it hidden. When reminders are everywhere, then the time comes for her to tell someone. Please review x

**Time To Tell.  
****SaMaNdPhiL4eVeR.**

**.ONE.**

_The air was cold, her feet ached, her shoes that had seemed so pretty a few hours ago had now cut her heel. The wind blew bitterly and unrelenting against her bare skin, she pulled at the thin fabric of her cardigan before leaving the doorway of the 776 Club. No one noticed her as she quickly limped along the city pavement, each step precariously balanced so that she would not fall. No one noticed her until she turned the corner away from the club and into the side street where she and her best friend Melanie had parked with her neighbour only hours ago, and as she stared towards the car Samantha Nixon's world changed, and she screamed as loudly as she was able._

Twenty five years later in a small office of the Sun Hill Police Station, Sam woke with a jolt. She had been slumped over a pile of paperwork for what seemed like hours before she had fallen into a dream, a dream of a night that she had always strived to forget. But this was no night like any other, and the memories of this night had haunted her forever. Sam straightened herself up, before standing and wandering to the door of her office. The rest of the room was dark, all except for the glow of one computer screen, which Sam assumed had been forgotten in the owners' hurry to leave the office.

Sam wondered had anyone seen her as they made their way home, trying to remember who she had last said good bye to and all that she could come up with was one of the newest members of the team Jacob Banks. He had left hours ago, inviting her for a drink as he did, and asking her if she was alright, knowing that today had been personal for her, and perhaps wanting to know why. But like usual something prevented Sam from revealing anything of her feelings, preferring as usual to keep to herself. She had tried the work friendship before, and where that had left her was the same as before, still alone with no one to talk to. Instantly, as it usually did when she thought of her past at Sun Hill, her mind wandered to Phil Hunter. Wondering what he was doing, what case he was solving now, what woman he was chasing now. Time had passed since he had left, and surprisingly the two of them spoke occasionally, but of course it wasn't the same.

She sighed, before heading back to her desk, and reading over the same piece of paperwork once more. The statement of Paula Merrick against Tom Norris, Tom Norris, another name in a long list of murderers, criminals and rapists that Sam had come into contact with over her career and then once before. She signed the bottom of the statement, before filing it neatly away in the plastic desk organisers, neatly piled on the corner of her desk. She then bent down, and opened the second drawer of her desk, Banksy had wanted to know why today seemed personal, and he had come up with maternal instincts, but as she pulled a tattered photo from the farthest corner of the drawer, maternal instincts seemed the last thing on her mind.

This was a photograph of Sam at age seventeen, smiling a carefree smile, not a worry on her mind. Next to her was her opposite in every way, Melanie, a tall brunette girl, with the darkest brown eyes Sam had ever seen, and she too was smiling a carefree smile, one of her arms slung over Sam's shoulder. Sam hadn't looked at this photo for years, she knew that it was there however, and each time she had to change desks or stations, she made sure that she could see one of the tattered corners from the front cover of her first policing manual. No one knew about this photo, and no one really knew about the night that it was taken, not her daughter, not anyone at work, not her parents, not her friends, not her ex-lovers. This was the night that when Sam had nightmares, it was of this night. It was a night that Sam had tried to forget for the longest time, but it had become a night when Sam worked out who she was, and who she was meant to be, and it was a night that had made her the woman she was today. A woman that was alone, and only had her career for company, and as she knew well, a career didn't cuddle with you on long cold nights.

Sam had, had opportunities to tell people about this night over the years, one of the biggest being when Abigail was missing, and Phil had become her confidant. She had wanted to tell him that it wasn't just the fact that her daughter was missing that was troubling her, it was the fact that she knew what people were capable of, and not just because of her career. She could have told Hugh Wallis, when he told her she needed to know what it was like to lose someone, she could have yelled at him that she already knew what it was like, and it was because of that, that she had become the woman that he knew.

She had wanted to tell someone what she was like, when she wasn't afraid to trust, afraid to let people in, afraid to love and be loved. But because now she was afraid, she'd never said anything, and every so often days would pass and she would forget that night, until the next rapist was arrested or the next Melanie lookalike would cross her path. She had contemplated leaving her career many times, when the reminders had become too much, but the reminders made her a good police officer, she could draw on the reminders to motivate her, so that she could strive to live her life and the life of someone else. However lately it seemed that the reminders were becoming more frequent, and what was once occasional remarks by her colleagues as to her ferocity regarding sexual assault cases had become more frequent. Perhaps all of this was leading her to tell someone. She sighed as she folded the photo in its well worn creases, before sliding it into the side of her handbag, which had been leant against the leg of the desk. Even that small action, of taking the photo with her was different. She sighed again, before piling the remainder of the paperwork into another neat pile, and tucking it in to the divider that was labelled incomplete.

It was late, almost ten at night, and Sam knew that she would have to be back here in the morning, early as usual. So she stood up, and pulled her coat from the back of her chair, wrapping it around her, she then bent over and picked up her handbag, hooking it over her shoulder as she made her way from her office and down towards her car. She smiled at her colleagues, all of them going about their business on night shift, she pushed open the heavy blue door, and wandered quickly towards her car, clicking the lock mechanism and climbing inside. She turned the key, and the ignition spluttered to life, before she accelerated and drove to the gates, she paused there for a moment, before indicating left, instead of right. After today, it had become clear that she needed to tell someone about that night, and for better or worse, the only person she knew to tell was him.

**So?? What do we think?? Who is the 'him?'  
****Please review x  
****Oh and PL readers the next chapter will be sometime next week, I just have to write an ending to the next chapter. I promise you'll love it!**


	2. TWO

**Mrs Carmichael: **dearest Gem thank you for your review and for being my beta :) I am glad that you liked the flashback, I seem to remember texting you to ask if a flashback made sense! Enjoy the next chapter, even if you do know some of the secrets! Adore the name btw ;)  
**ihearthuxon: **thanks for the review, hope that you will like this chapter, it has been awhile coming. There is nothing better than a mystery!  
**Evelyn Carnahan: **Thanks for the review Beccy, and for letting me borrow this talking to the reviewers method. You don't need to hide about the shipping, everyone needs some different favourites :) especially if SP is number one! You will find out about Melanie rather soon …  
**xXxLeahxXx: **thanks for the review, you shall find out who the "him" is in about two paragraphs.  
**DetBarb: **I am glad that you liked the chapter, my mind isn't that brilliant, its just creative ;) You will see the "him" very soon. My muse is still behaving and has ideas for another story as usual …  
**HuXoN 4 EvA: **thanks for the review, mystery is great :) soon it shall be revealed though.  
**lildanser91: **thanks for your review, here is the update :)  
**Enjoy this chapter, a bit of a homage to ... well you'll just have to read to find out who :)**

**Time To Tell.  
****SaMaNdPhiL4eVeR.**

**.TWO.**

As she pulled up outside the familiar house, the doubt that this was the best idea began to creep in once more. One part of her was screaming at her to drive off, to leave this inside her head, that actually speaking the words would bring it all back, but the other part of her was yelling that at least if she told someone, then it wouldn't all be inside her head, that by speaking the truth aloud, then perhaps in someway she could begin to forgive herself and free herself. Sam sighed, and pulled herself out of the car, and onto the pavement before she could change her mind, and walked slowly to his front door, her hand slightly shaking as she pressed the doorbell.

The bell played its little melodic tune, a tinkering sound that quietened and then grew louder in a strange pattern, and it was then that Sam looked down at her watch, it was late, she knew that, and she hadn't even considered the fact that he was either asleep or still at the office. She groaned to herself, before stepping back from the door and beginning to head back to her car. She had only made it about five steps, before the door swung open, and she turned back around. There he was, hair sticking out at odd angles, and half dressed standing in front of her, illuminated slightly by the hallway light.

"Oh. I'm sorry Phil. It's late. Don't worry." Sam stuttered, before she went to continue towards her car.

"You wouldn't have come if it was nothing," he said, "What is the matter?"

"It's okay. I'm fine." Sam continued to reply.

"Sam," he said, almost comfortingly, stepping out into the night air, "Do you want to come inside?"

Sam looked at him, studying his features for not the first time, she had woken him, yet he still was prepared to talk. She didn't say anything, she just nodded, and then walked back to the house, following him inside.

"Head through to the living room," Phil explained, "I'll join you in a second."

"Oh," Sam said, realising something, "You aren't alone here, are you?"

"No," Phil said, "But not in the way you think."

"What way would that be?" Sam asked.

"I don't have a woman here." Phil said slowly, to make sure that she understood.

"I don't care if you do," Sam said sharply, "You are allowed." She continued, with the same sharp tone.

"I know that," Phil replied back quickly, "But I don't."

"It's fine Phil," Sam said more calmly, "I shouldn't have come, it was stupid of me. Go back to sleep." She added, as she went back to the door, wondering why after everything that had happened she had chosen to come here.

"Sam, for the last time," he began, before he was interrupted by the sound of small feet padding down the stairs.

"Daddy," came a small boy's voice, "What's going on?" the voice continued, before a small boy, with brown curly hair, and blue eyes, wearing racing car pyjamas appeared in front of both Sam and Phil, immediately Sam recognising him as Alfie, Phil's son with Kate.

"Hey squirt," Phil called, before leaning down, as Alfie ran towards him and Phil caught him, the small boy's hands wrapping around Phil's shoulders, and Phil balancing him on his hip. "You remember hearing about my friend Sam?" Phil asked the boy.

"Yeah," he answered shyly, "What is she doing here?"

"She's just come to talk to me," Phil explained, "What are you doing up anyway?"

"I heard the bell. I thought Mummy was here to get me" he replied, his small hands still clenching onto Phil, as his blue eyes peered at Sam taking her in.

"No squirt, your Mum won't be back until next week," Phil explained, "Remember?"

"Oh yeah," he said with a small smile, before continuing, "Daddy?" he asked.

"Yes," Phil replied.

"I'm tired."

Phil smiled, before kissing him on the cheek, and then letting him slide to the floor, "Head back upstairs, I'll be up in a minute."

"Promise."

"Promise." Phil replied, before he watched him race back upstairs and out of sight.

Sam who had stayed quiet throughout the exchange between father and son, couldn't help but smile.

Phil looked back towards Sam, and noticing her smile, he said, "See no woman," before he smiled back at her.

"I'm sorry Phil. I didn't mean to wake you, or him." Sam explained once more.

"I said it was fine, I wasn't actually asleep. I was reading about a racing car."

"Well I'm sorry to tear you away from that," Sam replied, "I'm sure its one of your favourites." She said with a small giggle.

"It's not bad," Phil said, "Not as good as the Little Mermaid though."

"She is a cartoon Phil."

"Yeah, I know. So I've been told." Phil replied sarcastically.

Sam smiled, "I am sorry though." She said once more.

"For the last time," Phil began, "It is fine, just go through to the living room, and I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay." Sam said quietly, before she turned away from him, and walked into the living room, taking a seat on the left hand side of the plush sofa. She dropped her bag to next to her, and removed her coat, folding it and placing it over the arm of the sofa. She then took a deep breath, and reached out for one of the magazines on the coffee table, before beginning to flick through it slowly.

About ten minutes later, Phil returned, in both hands he held a mug of coffee, the steam rising from the mug and escaping into the air of the room. He smiled towards Sam as he handed her one, before sitting next to her, on the right hand side of the sofa.

"Thanks." Sam said, as she took a small sip of the warm liquid, before placing it and the magazine on the coffee table in front of her.

A few more minutes passed, with neither of them saying anything, before Phil reached out towards Sam and patted her gently on the hand.

"You obviously came here for a reason," he said quietly. "Has something happened since we last spoke? That wasn't that long ago, was it?"

Sam took a deep breath, "It's nothing new Phil. It's more something old." She replied calmly, before she leant downwards and slid her fingers into the side pocket of her handbag. They quickly hooked around the folded photo, before she pulled it out and dropped it in the middle of them. "Open it," she whispered to Phil, before she turned to look towards the black television screen.

**Review??  
I hope that there is some smiles cause I made her go to Phil x**


	3. THREE

**Mrs Carmichael: **Thanks for the review. Indeed you did know that she was going to Phil, but who else would of it been ;) This is me, your Huxon/Mamma Mia Twin after all. Glad that you liked Alfie being in there, I thought I wanted to show that Phil has sort of grown up since he left Sun Hill. Not sure if that has a reason for later on in the story, haven't decided yet. The muse will have to decide.  
**DI. Samantha Hunter: **Thanks for the review. And YAY that you are back to that fantastic pen-name, most definitely how it should have been! I am pleased that you are impressed with the Phil being there, and the fluffiness is really just a break before the seriousness of the next chapters coming and then how it ends I haven't decided.  
**xXxLatzxXx: **Thanks for the review, glad that it made you smile. I am unfortunately not promising a heap of romance romance, but there will be some sweet Huxon moments, so if you like them then keep reading ;).  
**ihearthuxon: **Thanks for the review. Pleased that it made you smile. After this chapter I think you might have some idea of Sam's secret, or you might just be able to guess.  
**HuXoN 4 EvA: **Thanks for the review. Hope that this was soon enough and glad that it made lots of smiles.  
**S-Nixon: **Thanks for the review. No there wasn't really any doubt, this is me after all :).  
**Huxabelle164: **Thanks for the review. The Little Mermaid comment occurred to me as I was writing and I thought it was funny and something that Phil might think. Updated now :).  
**DetBarb: **Thanks for the review. I guess luckily getting inside characters heads has been something that I've always been able to do (I think). No there wasn't much of a doubt that she would go and see Phil. You shall find out a little about her past now, and then much more next.  
**Thanks for all of the reviews, enjoy this chapter. A little heavier than the previous.**

**Time To Tell.**

**SaMaNdPhiL4eVeR.**

**.THREE.**

Phil looked down at what Sam had dropped, before he reached out for the tatty piece of paper, unfolding it between his fingers. He stared at the photo in front of him, two young girls, each of them beaming. One small and blonde, the other taller and brunette, the brunette had her arm over the blonde's shoulder, and as he glanced at the face of the blonde, all of a sudden he realised that this was a photo of the woman sitting next to him.

"So this is you?" Phil asked cautiously.

Sam didn't say anything, she just nodded. She turned back to look towards Phil, "You should know that I wanted to tell you this long ago. It might have explained my behaviour over the years. But," she began, before pausing, "I just didn't know how to."

"Okay." Phil replied cautiously, he thought that he knew Sam quite well, but obviously there had been something that she had kept hidden. He sighed quietly, perhaps he should have expected that.

Sam took another deep breath, she wanted to tell someone, and she had shown him the photo, now all that remained was the story. "The girl with me is Melanie Thomas, my high school best friend."

Phil nodded, "When was this?" he asked, pointing back to the photo.

Sam sighed, and closed her eyes, and leant back into the back of the sofa, before speaking of the night that changed her life.

"It was February 22nd 1983, the night of Melanie's seventeenth birthday. Both of us had planned for weeks, planned the location, planned how to get there, planned what we were telling our parents and planned what we would do to our hair, what colour eye shadow we would wear, what colour lipstick we would wear and even right down to what colour our toenails would be painted. Melanie was to wear a yellow ribbon in her hair, and I was to wear a red one, my toenails were to be pink, and hers were to be red, and both of us were to wear a scarlet lipstick. We were going to the 776 Club, we knew the bouncer, he was going to let us in, my parents thought we were at Melanie's and her parents thought we were at mine. We got a lift with my neighbour from down the street, he drove us in to the city, and we parked a few streets away. He had given me the keys so that if we needed to we could wait in the car, or if we went home early we could leave stuff in his car, or get changed so that our plan wasn't to be spoiled. Our significant others, Glen for me, and Joel for Melanie thought that we were seeing one of those chick flicks, and promised to meet us later," Sam explained, her eyes still closed. "But there was no later."

"Sam, what happened?" Phil asked, staring down at the photo once more.

"Everything was great for awhile, Melanie and I danced for hours, occasionally scamming drinks from the bar, and we were both laughing and enjoying ourselves. After a little while though, I felt sick, and needed to go to the bathroom, and when I got back, Melanie was being chatted up by this man," Sam said, her body shuddering at the thought of him once more. "He was older, and he had bought Melanie another drink, she was giggling away, whispering to him and pressing up against him. I didn't know what was going on, as far as I was concerned, she and Joel were really happy. I knew that he had bought her a stunning bracelet for her birthday, I'd helped him pick it out the week before. But here she was, all over this other guy. I watched for awhile from the other side of the bar, and when he finally left her to get more drinks, I headed over to her, and told her that she was acting stupid. I told her that she had Joel and what did she think she was doing. I still remember what she said to me, she said 'Sam, you ain't my mother. You hold me back, Joel holds me back, it's my birthday,' she slurred it at me, and I was stunned. She'd never even spoken one cross word to me, in all the times I had known her, and now here she was, on the night we had organised together, throwing six years of friendship back at me as if it was nothing." Sam explained, a tear escaping and trickling down her cheek. "Eventually he came back, and I snuck back and hid near the two of them, she continued making a fool of herself, giggling and laughing, and sipping her drinks. Not long after I heard him suggest that the two of them get out of there and go somewhere more friendly, I was shocked at first, but became pleased when she told him that she had to go and find me. I immediately made my way away from them and pretended I had been sitting on one of the barstools all night. She stumbled towards me and told me that she was leaving with him, they were going somewhere more friendly. I couldn't believe it, and I begged her not to go," Sam explained before pausing, her eyes springing open as more tears fell and she turned to glance at Phil.

"Here." Phil said, as he leant back behind him and pulled a tissue from the box on the side table.

"Thanks Phil," Sam replied quietly, as she took the tissue and blew her nose, before sniffling and continuing, "I told her that this night was what we had planned for the two of us, from our hair to our toenails, and she told me that even though I was older than her, I was more of a child than she had ever been. I ignore that comment and instead I told her that Glen and Joel would be here soon, and she told me she didn't care. She was over Joel, he was boring, he was dull, he wasn't exciting, and this guy that she had been talking to all night was so much better. She didn't even know him, I lost my temper with her in seconds, I screamed at her, telling her that she was acting like a slut, like the girls at school we hated, and she told me she didn't care. She was sick of everything being the same, she was sick of Joel, sick of her family and sick of me. And it was the fact that she was sick of me that stung, it felt like a slap in the face. So I told her that she was a slut, and that if she was going to act like that then I didn't want to know her. She never said anything back, she just stuck her finger up at me, and then stormed back to him, and I watched as the two of them headed outside together." Sam paused again, blowing her nose once again. "And that was the last time I saw her."

"And that makes you who you are?" Phil asked, confused, staring back towards Sam.

**Please review x  
Next chapter soon and more will be revealed :)**


	4. FOUR

**Mrs Carmichael: **Thanks for the review huni. You shall find out all about Melanie now and what happened back then.  
**xXxLil-HuxonxXx: **Thanks for the review, glad that you think it was insightful. Very cute name btw.  
**Huxabelle164: **Thanks for the review, hope that this final chapter clears up the confusion. I am glad that you feel as if you are inside Sam's head, that is the idea I was going for :).  
**ihearthuxon: **Thanks for the review, I am pleased that you like it.  
**S-Nixon: **Thanks for the review. I am pleased that it was interesting :).  
**HuXoN 4 EvA: **Thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed it.  
**DetBarb: **Thanks for the review Barb, let me know if this is one of the things that you thought happened to Sam. The reactions are all entailed here.  
**yass.: **Thanks for the review, glad that you like it.

**Okay, so I know it's been sooooo long since I updated anything, I won't bore you with the details why, but it involves the disappearance of a muse, some long work hours and other stuff. But for the moment I am back. Even with a new story in process, which will be done in the next week. This is the final chapter of this one, hope that you enjoy the revelations. Thanks to all the reviewers, you make me want to write.  
Enjoy!**

**Time To Tell.  
SaMaNdPhiL4eVeR.**

**.FOUR.**

Sam sniffled, before continuing, her pale green eyes concentrating on Phil's, "I waited for awhile, hoping that she would come back. But then I found my neighbour and some of his friends, and they had friends that were friends of my friends, and eventually we all started dancing, and later on we got one of the pool tables, and about three hours passed without me even noticing. It was as I was dancing with Mark my neighbour that I realised I had cut my foot open on the heel, I had been wearing these ridiculously high heeled shoes, trying to make up for the fact that I was so short. Mark laughed at me, and reminded me that Melanie and I had left a box of bandaids on the back seat of his car, and he suggested that I go and get them. He walked me to the door of the club and told me that if I wasn't back in five minutes he was coming to look for me and make sure that I was alright. I remember every second of this," Sam said quietly, staring intensely at Phil, "It was cold as I walked towards the car, I had wrapped my cardigan as tight as I could around myself. I remember the wind blowing against my legs, as I basically tiptoed towards the car, so as not to hurt my foot. By the time I reached the side street I was limping and as I neared the car, I could see the breeze blowing a yellow ribbon out to the side. And for a moment I was happy, I thought she had come back her senses, come back to the car to wait for me," Sam said, her voice barely above a whisper, the tears still running down her face.

Phil tried to keep his face calm, he tried not to show as if he knew what Sam was about to say, he reached out for her once more, and took her hand in his, encasing her cold shaking hand, in the warmth of his.

"I remember calling out to her, and her not replying. Me calling her a snob, asking her if she wanted to go and get the boys now, but she didn't reply, and that is when I saw her, the ribbon that I had tied in her hair was now tight around her neck, it had left a deep purple bruise, the toenails we had painted together were now revealed. Her shoes were missing, the dress that I had leant her was torn and half missing, and her beautiful brown eyes were glazed, and she was as cold as ice. I remember screaming, as loud as I could, and then all I remember is Mark being next to me, his arms around me as I screamed and cried." Sam said, each word slow and thoughtful as she spoke.

"She was attacked?" Phil asked, already knowing the answer.

Sam nodded, before she began once again, "The police found that she had been raped, and strangled half an hour after she left the club. My best friend had lay next to the car for two and a half hours. Dead."

"How had no one seen her?" Phil asked.

"I don't know Phil, I've never known. The closest that they got was that she was held somewhere and then dumped," Sam replied, wiping another tear from her cheek, as the hand not in Phil's reached out for the photo of the two of them. "Mark took this photo of us, just before we left his house, this is the last photo of her."

"I'm so sorry Sam." Phil replied sincerely, moving closer to her. "Did they ever find who did it?"

Sam shook her head, before sniffing once again, "Back then they didn't have CCTV on every corner, his DNA wasn't on the database, there were no real witnesses except for me."

"They never found who did it?" Phil asked again.

"No, never. She died and the case was looked at, and there were suspects, but there was no court case. Our parents believed me when I told them that we had gone to the club and then never asked why we had separated, it was as if they didn't want to know what had really happened. Joel was devastated, and I never saw him again, and all Glen did was comfort me, and knowing what we know about him now, that makes a lot of sense."

"Do you know who did it?" Phil asked cautiously.

"The creep that she left with." Sam replied flatly, "I will never forget him."

"Why did you never tell anyone?" Phil asked, his hand sliding up Sam's arm, pulling her into his warm arms for a hug.

"I shouldn't have argued with her Phil. I should have followed her, I should have kept spying on her. If I had of, she would still be here." Sam said, her tears soaking into Phil's chest.

"Sam you weren't to know that something like that was going to happen. People fight all the time, and storm off on each other, it doesn't mean that one of them will end up dead before the night is out."

"I know," Sam replied, "But I have felt guilty for twenty five years."

"Is this why you became a police officer?" Phil asked, beginning to understand how this event had shaped Sam's life.

Sam straightened herself up, moving out of Phil's arms, wiping at the stray tears, as it seemed that she had no more left to fall, "It's why I decided to studying Psychology, and then Criminology, and then I guess yes, it was why I became a police officer. I wanted to stop people like him from getting away with it, from getting away with killing someone's best friend."

"And," Phil began, "It's why you don't let anyone in."

Sam nodded, "Melanie was my best friend, she was like my sister. When she was killed, I didn't think I could handle that ever happening again, so I closed myself off. I still loved Glen because he knew me before, but anyone else I held at arm's length. Even Abi. Hugh told me when she was missing that I needed to learn what it was like to lose someone, but he didn't know that I already knew, and that I was like I am because of it. I don't not let people in because I don't care, I do care. It's just, it's just.." Sam paused, struggling to think of what came next.

"It's because you don't want to be hurt again." Phil finished for her.

"Yes." Sam said, as a fresh round of tears began to trickle down her cheeks once more.

"I understand Sam, its okay. Thank you for telling me." Phil whispered as he handed her another tissue, "You have to stop feeling guilty." He said, as he once more wrapped his arms around her, softly kissing the top of her forehead.

"But," Sam said with a gulp.

"No Sam, you have to forgive yourself." Phil said firmly. "You just have to."

Sam didn't say anything, she just nodded meekly, perhaps Phil was right, perhaps she knew that he was. But twenty five years of guilt was not going to disappear in an instant, and Sam knew that it may never disappear, but at least now someone else knew the truth, knew why she behaved the way she did, ran away from him the way she did and at that moment that was better than nothing.

"Thank you Phil." Sam whispered, as she closed her eyes and breathed heavily, leaning into Phil's chest as the tears still rolled down her pale cheeks.

"You're welcome Sam," Phil replied, as he tightened his arms around her, Phil knew how hard it had been for Sam to tell him what she did tonight, and for her courage, Phil would hold her in his arms for as long as she needed him to.

**Please review x**


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